i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
