True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
