Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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