He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
