I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
