I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
