Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
