I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
