No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
time to smoke my breakfast
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
