You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
