Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
