she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
