i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
