Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Got a toothbrush?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
