I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
