I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
