i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
