No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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