I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
