i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He shit in the fireplace
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
