Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
