In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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