Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
