If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
