I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
