non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
