I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
