My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
