He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
