haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
