Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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