y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
