He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
