I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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