dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
