Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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