OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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