She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I didn't shave. On purpose
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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