I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry about my life...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Text me some of your sweat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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