if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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