i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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