i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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