In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
