69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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