I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
