ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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