ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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