rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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