I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
