So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
