New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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