How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
