I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
